What do you read when you are sitting on the toilet?

I pulled a book off the shelf today that I hadn’t touched in a while. Turns out, it has been a long while.

Inside, was a bus ticket. It was the ticket that got me to intake processing for Basic Training.

The book was On the Road by Jack Kerouac. It is what got me through the first two weeks of processing before I actually got to boot camp. I barely even remember it except that it had some great quotes. There was one written on the bus ticket:

What is that feeling when you’re driving away from people and they recede on the plain til you see their specks dispersing–it’s the too-huge world vaulting us, and it’s goodbye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.

 

Drugs, degradation, teacherbutt and my 5 yr marriage contract

Sometimes I feel just so full of love for my family I could nearly explode. Cool down mama, cool enough.

I am listening to my middle child sing along to U2 right now. He just ran up to my husband and threw his arms around him. So sweet.

The boys are playing army dudes/legos right now on my bakers rack. The viney plants on the thing are the jungle that they are fighting in. Kind of like a kiddie Vietnam war, only without the drugs and degradation. They have been doing this for an HOUR. WITHOUT FIGHTING. Shhhhh….let’s not bother them.

TTops has been awesome this week. We are talking about also doing water aerobics together. I am going to call the community ed lady tomorrow and see if they’ll let teens do it, too. TTops gets along better with old people anyway and I can really use the exercise. Of course, this would mean that I would have to shave my legs in the wintertime. Ugh. Not sure if it is worth it. But getting rid of the teacherbutt would be.

Oh, and someone asked about my 5 yr marriage contract. Yep, we are on a 5yr lease plan. Mostly so we don’t take things for granted. We reassess every 5 yrs and renew the contract if we all good. We are halfway through round two now. It is funny, because we joke about not renewing any time the other one gets irritating. Since we both agree that being away from the other one is like cutting out a hunk of our hearts, I’d say that renewal will happen again.

That’s all I got. Kapow.

 

BTW – TY

Thanks for all the great funding ideas for the girls’ computers! I am also going to hit up some businesses and check out the Gates Foundation.

 

Big yellow but not pee

I found two foundations that fund grants that could be used for the girls’ computers. Our development director writes grants constantly so she is going to help me. This is so fun! I told the program coordinator about my idea. She is excited. I am too!

I spent the day preparing payroll, which is one of the un-fun parts of my job. But hey, it is job security cause everyone needs money, honey.

Tonight we have peace. TTops is at her grandma’s. I am vegging on the recliner. There is a pizza loaf baking in the oven (smells FABULOUS) and a dog scratching at the back door. I may or may not let her in. All she does is kick and growl at me (in a silly, oh I am such a funny little shit, sort of way).

Okay, we just ate. It was delicious. And not annoying at all. Just like a regular family meal.

TTops missed the bus this morning. I know I am not supposed to compare myself to her, but DAMN. She is almost 15 years old (yeah, and cognitively delayed, blah blah blah). When I was in 2nd grade and onward, my sister and I got ourselves up in the morning and caught the bus COMPLETELY ON OUR OWN. I think throughout the years we only missed the bus once or twice because the electricity went out. My mom worked nights and my dad left for work early in the morning. Yeah, I know she is disabled but this is pure defiance. She has timers and the EXACT same routine every morning,verbal prompts and encouragement from others (don’t worry we’ve changed it up over the years and have tried everything under the sun so I don’t need any advice in this area as we have Perfected the morning routine as much as it is ever going to be) but this morning she decided she was going to refuse to take her planner and bag and jacket to school because we “made” her brush her hair. Her hair is 1 inch long. For a reason. Cause every morning it is a freaking fight to get her to put a comb through it. That and drinking a liquid. Don’t get me started. Anyway, The Husband wouldn’t allow her to get on the bus without her stuff and waved the bus driver on. He could have had the driver wait…but if he did, then TTops would have made the bus wait every single day…we know this from experience. The bus driver, Moe, is great. Moe has three kids with RAD and FASD so she doesn’t take any shit from TTops and keeps her in line. Moe is the only reason TTops gets to ride a big yellow. Oh, I just ran out of steam.

That’s all I got. Kapow.

 

Are you better yet? How about now? Any better? How about now? Are you still hurting? How about now?

I had big visions for setting up the computer lab for the girls afterschool leadership program…and then I got there.

Six machines.

Six computers that are 10 years old.

10 computer years = 100 in people years.

ANTIQUES.

I was able to cobble together two working machines that I will network tomorrow. But damn. Two 10 year old computers for a bunch of girls that are already living in poverty is shit. Seriously. So my next goal is to get them some real machines. Then I will teach a workshop on computer basics: internet, email, typing, you get the idea. These kids are pretty awesome and they deserve it. If anyone has a lead on a grant that could go for computers for these girls, let me know. I will also work with our development director and see what she can dig up. She is pretty good. I am thinking $1000-$1500 would get three decent machines.

Anyways, I LOVE my new job. I feel like I am actually doing something. It is awesome.

Plus, I get to spend 1.5 more hours each day with my kids. That adds up. I love it. Now that I cook all of our meals on Sundays, I have a ton more time with the kids. Before, everything felt rushed and haggard each evening. Now? We are luxuriously watching a movie, all the kids are ready for bed and life is so much easier.

Recipe: Hashbrown Casserole. AKA Party Potatoes

Very common recipe. I split the recipe, eat half, freeze half, after it is prepared (but not baked). I serve with sides of veggies, rolls, fruit, etc. 1/2 Recipe serves 5 of us perfectly.

Bag of frozen hash browns o’brien, can of cream of potato soup, small container of sour cream, bag of shredded cheese.

Mix all together and bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes.

My kids love it. It is easy and tasty cause the top gets all crispy. You can also crush up cornflakes and mix them with melted butter for a yummy crust (bake for an additional 10-15 minutes after dumping these on top). But I don’t always have cornflakes. We are more of a honey bunches of oats family.

TTops is utterly obsessed with my pain level. She means well and actually cares about how I feel…but the questions every two minutes is getting old, “How do feel now, mom? Are you still having pain? Are you better yet? How about now? Do you think you will have to have surgery? How about now, does it still hurt?” and on and on and on.

That’s all I got. Kapow.

 

Reiki, Cooking, Car and a Contract with Myself

Uff da.

No rest for the weary this weekend.

I spent the day cooking. Again. 4 pizza loafs, 2 hashbrown casseroles, 2 Amish dressings, and 1 egg bake. I was also planning on making cheeseburger pie and Mexican lasagna but I simply ran out of time and steam.

Then we test drove a car to replace the one I had to sell months ago cause it hurt too much to shift anymore. The car is basically the same car that I had before but newer and an automatic. We are getting it once it is detailed. It will be nice to have my own vehicle again.

I talked to my mom today. My dad had told her about the most recent recommendation of an exploratory surgery and she called. My mom and I have an unusual relationship. We are both stubborn and think we are both right all the time so we butt heads. We talk occasionally but keep our distance to maintain our relationship. If we talk too much, we argue and get pissy with each other. It is what it is. I love her. She loves me. Anyway, my mom is a nurse but she has recently gotten certified in different areas of natural healing. Like Reiki (Lisa, seriously I had no idea until today!) and some other stuff I hadn’t heard of. She recommended that we do Reiki on my pain and told me what to do. So just now, I laid down on the floor, had the whole fam gather around and place a hand on my pain and picture the pain leaving my body and little pieces of it going into their hands. Get this: IT WORKED. I feel better! WOW. My mom also recommended other things but I will be damned if I can remember what any of them were. Oh wait. It is coming to me. A little. Light therapy. Crystal therapy. Kay. My mind is blank again.

I have also been checking out acupuncturists and think I have narrowed it down to one that practices a more traditional Chinese version. The hardest part is making that first phone call. The second hardest part is finding a time that will actually fit into my schedule which has reached an insane level.

Get this: I am actually looking forward to going to work tomorrow! Can you believe it? See, I am being realistic about things this time. I am going to treat it like a contract. Kind of like our marriage. Only instead of a five-year-plan, I am doing a one-year-plan. I am going to do one year. If I still like it and am passionate about what I am doing, then I will renew my contract with myself and do another year. And so on. For whatever reason, this brings me a huge sense of peace. A commitment of one year doesn’t overwhelm me and seems almost easy. I love mind tricks.

That’s all I got. Kapow.

 

Throwing No Punches

1 hour and 45 minutes. That is how long it took us to get our pictures taken and order filled at Sears. With an appointment. That was messed up. Every single aspect of it was messed up actually. But the pictures look NICE. And they only cost us $8 cause I had a bunch of coupons so we got what we paid for and I shouldn’t complain. However, I was totally fried by the time we left. Random kids wanted to play with my kids games like “Name everyone you hate”. My kids told them to stick it. Go my kids! So random kids screamed and played WAY too loudly and it was a total zoo.

I am so excited to get the pictures! These are our first professional ones as a family. I was supposedly going to get free ones done by a non-profit that arranges them for families who are caring for a child with profound disabilities but the organization never followed through and whatever. It seemed really awesome and all and warmed my heart but, dudes, don’t say you are going to do something and then not follow through. Not cool.

Anyway, it was a good day overall. No one screamed or hit anyone. Sweet.

That’s all I got. Kapow.

 

 

Hef, Punchy, Poop, and Tai Chi Proclivity

Well, TTops punched my older 7 yr old in the head this morning. She has hurt the kids other times but this was the hardest and the most intentional that we have seen yet. It was basically unprovoked. She *thought* he was looking at her. She is almost 15…twice his age and size and towers over him. She was confined to her room for the rest of the day since kids were off school yet again for who-knows-what-reason.

Oohh, the Batman cartoon I am watching with the boys has a great vocabulary. The bad dude just used the word “proclivity”. Love it.

I got a second opinion from my primary physician today. He also recommended exploratory surgery. At least the surgeon he referred me to is not an ass so that is something good. She removed a tumor from a teeter a few years back and she was good. Still not digging this whole new scheme here. One would think that with all the stinkin’ technology out there that they could figure out what was wrong with me without slicing into my guts. Hate it.

I am signing TTops and I up for a Tai Chi class. It doesn’t start until January and hopefully I will be better by then (ha ha ha see how optimistic I am?!). I have done Tai Chi before and it is very relaxing. Plus, I need to keep TTops away from the boys as much as possible so this will help…a little bit. Mostly it will just be something nice to do together.

I got some more baby stuff from one of my new coworkers today! SO EXCITING!!! I now have a diaper bag, more newborn boy clothes (they are so adorable I almost pooped my pants–and most of them are new!!), diapers (but none of them fit me ), a Nuk, buttwipes, and baby powder!! Woo hoo!! SO EXCITING. Now if I could just get better so I can take care of some babies!

My middle boy is wearing his bathrobe right now. Bathrobes remind me of the play boy mansion. I call him “Hef” and he has no idea what I’m talking about, LOL.

That’s all I got. Kapow.

 

No Saunas on Thursday

Today was a boring day for people-watching. The protestors decided to take the day off…very few people decided to take a “sauna” and I saw very few drunks.

But the work is getting more interesting. After I get this week wrapped up and caught up with all the stuff that my predecessor did not do, I will get to begin some neat new projects. Next week, I will re-initiate a new volunteer program. I will also set up a computer lab for an afterschool program that teaches leadership skills to girls…what else, oh, I will be getting on the schedule to start teaching young moms how to take care of their kids so they don’t end up in foster care.

As for my kids, I had conferences with the boys’ teachers tonight. They were to be expected. Both of the boys are very smart, polite, nice, but very distracted and in everyone else’s business. I’m not quite sure how to change that at this point…and quite frankly if that is all that is wrong, it isn’t that big a deal. My boys used to get into physical fights, rage under tables, spit, bite, and cry in school…but ever since we got them, those behaviors have all drifted away. My guess, the distraction and nosiness will eventually fade as well…it will probably just take a bit longer.

My youngest bawled his eyes out tonight when I left. He has been glued to me ever since last weekend when I had to go to the hospital. That’s fine. I get it. I’ll take it.

This weekend we are FINALLY going to have professional pictures of the fam taken. Haven’t had them done since before the boys so we are due. I wish I could press the easy button and have them done already. Holding poses in uncomfortable positions is going to be a struggle. But the end result will be good.

That’s all I got.

 

Location Location Location

My new job is in a very, um, er, interesting location. It is in a historical building in the center of the Big Town. What makes it interesting is the places nearby.

Across the street is a liquor store. It opens at 8am and there is a line of folks outside dealing drugs while they wait to get in.

Across the avenue from my office window, is a “family sauna”. This is a Minnesota disguise for place of ill repute. It is only men that enter through the front…women enter in the back for their shift…hmm…interesting.

Two buildings away is a p * r n shop…people congregate outside after stopping at the liquor store. Adjacent to my building is a parking lot, behind which is an alley. I sit in my car at lunch and listen to NPR and watch people deal drugs for an hour. Also interesting.

Oh, and let’s not forget the protestors outside my building. One of the other tenants is a health center for women…so things can get pretty crazy around there.

From my office window, I watch protestors intermingle with dealers and johns and drunks and ladies of the night. I have to say, I love it.

It is such a HUGE change from working at the university. People would simply *study* socio-economic issues and research ethics and morality and how it affects people…and I get to work with the people they study every day.

So I realize that this is a foster care and adoption blog and I rarely talk about foster care and adoption anymore. Lately, I have been too wrapped up in my own pain to examine the pain-in-the-ass system. But I need to return to it. I will have to reschedule our licensor again. I cancelled after I got the period the other week and haven’t called her back. Oh and I changed jobs and and and and well I could start whining again.

But I won’t.

On Monday, I got to meet three babies that were adorable. One of them was 16 months old and already had her cute little ears pierced. She was my favorite. I spend about 10 minutes chatting with her while she had her afternoon snack and then I left, covered in regurgitated animal crackers. I get a hefty discount on my new job’s already cheap childcare…but I need to get better before I can start lugging around a cute little beeber weeber.

I called my regular MD today and he is going to look over my CT scan and offer a second opinion. Hopefully, it won’t be surgery like the other bastard recommended. Just don’t want to go there again.