Still Sick

The kids are are still sick. Lil Guy no longer has a fever but anytime he moves he nearly hacks up a lung and his chest starts hurting. TTops woke up feverish this morning and was hacking so much last night that she lost her voice. She is high risk because of her disabilities…she got a flu vaccine but our area is not distributing H1N1 vaccines to regular folk…or even high-need kids.

There are so many kids gone at school, it is ridiculous that it is still open. How can you teach when over 50% of the second grade class is absent? Several of the kids have been confirmed with swine flu…yet it is difficult to even get a kid in to see the doctor. The clinics are backed up and since my kids are not dying or even that bad, I just wait on a call from the doctor for some guidance.

Karen asked if I would share some recipes….so we will start with my hands-down new favorite: Pizza Loaf.

 

Pizza Loaf is so easy!

Buy a bag of frozen bread dough. Mine came in a bag of four which is awesome because I made up four of them. One pizza loaf feeds our family of five with some light sides.

You will need: pizza sauce, pepperoni, grated parmesan and shredded cheese. I also used basil and savory. I only lightly followed the original recipe…thaw out a frozen dough or all four (takes 3-4 hours).  Flour it and roll it flat (I make my husband do this because it resembles baking too closely).

While hubs or your children roll out the dough, mix together the pizza sauce, a heaping Tbl of Parmesan and some Basil and Savory in a bowl.

When dough is flattened, spoon some sauce on and spread it like pizza but don’t get too close to the edges or it will get messy when you roll it up. Then add your pepporoni and cheese. I change it up by adding something different each time like onions, sweet peppers, or whatever as well.

Then roll it up starting with your longest side, pinch all the edges shut so it looks like a big French bread and paint the top with an egg white. Bake it at 350 for 45 minutes. Keep an eye on it cause everyone’s oven is different…it is SOOOO good and you can change up the ingredients to whatever your family likes on a pizza! Enjoy!

 

Just wanna ride on my motorcycle

Ahhh, I am home again with a still sick kid. Lil Guy has been sick since Halloween night, though today he is on the mend (FINALLY!!!). His fever has been hovering around102 and he has a hacking cough. I’ve avoided bringing him to the doctor since his regular pediatrician is on maternity leave and I would rather just be Dr. Mom since it isn’t life threatening. We have tried other doctors…they just don’t *get* alcohol and drug effects in utero and throughout the lives of a child…or how abuse and trauma permanently affects the development of a child…or simply how my kids all have permanent mental illnesses as a result of their histories…and I would rather not explain it to one more stranger who is going to be a jackass and not helpful when I can just take care of my kid just fine thankyouverymuch. So, I must be doing okay cause now Lil G is basically all better and has his vibrancy back.

We are watching some awful comic book movie that I just made him turn off. I remembered it being innocuous and it was SO not. So now we are watching a dirt bike video. Boys, gotta love em. “I don’t wanna pickle. I just wanna ride on my motorsickle. I don’t want to die…just want to ride on my motorcy…” He is dancing right now.

Nothing exciting is happening here. I am pretty sure my work is thinking I am playing hooky but oh well, weeks like this are EXACTLY why I am making the change.

The meds have nearly brought my brain back to normal. I wish I had written a few days ago. When things haven’t totally crossed over yet, I can verbalize how it feels and how needed medication is. Just like people take meds for heartburn, I need my meds for anxiety and depression. And once the meds are totally working, it is hard to remember what it was ever like before and how it could have been so bad. This is how I realize that many folks with typical brains have NO CLUE what it is like to personally live with mental illness. It doesn’t make you a horrible person or a bad mom or even unstable (if treated appropriately). It just makes life more complicated. And if you think I am a bad mom because I deal with this stuff personally, well, that also means that you believe my kids are bad kids. See how that works? It is not a cookie cutter world.

Anyway, I gotta run to pick up one of my kids and life moves onward.

 

What a weekend…

Sore. Trick or treating was fun. Tired. Today? Sucked. But was also good cause the Vikings won…but I didn’t get to watch most of it cause I was prepping food all day. Three weeks of meals in the fridge and freezer now. TTops? Horrible. Holidays, and well, life, do not agree with her.  Boys? Sick as all get-out with fevers and hacking coughs but so far, we have avoided the hospital…the one with some respiratory disorder (can’t remember the disorder’s name) usually ends up in the ER every time he gets a cold…so far so good since this momma is starting to know what to do.

So let’s focus on the good now, shall we? I have four days of work at my old job left. YAY! My kids might still be sick tomorrow…which means, yay!, momma has to stay home, oh, I mean Darn!, heh…I have some fabulous meals waiting to be eaten: BBQ meatballs and potatoes, chicken lattice pie, pizza loaf, hashbrown casserole, chicken veggie soup, and chili…my husband made cookies!!! sugar and pumpkin spice, yum…and II have POUNDS of Halloween candy to eat…

Was planning to write something thoughtful about how on Halloween, with our costumes on (I went as SuperMom), we are all on a more level playing field, or about how I finally have a name for what I have been trying to avoid my entire life thinks to Atlasien: cultural appropriation…but I am tired and not feeling very thoughtful so I am off to play Plants vs. Zombies.

 

 

Glad this week is over

Wow. What a week. Good thing I finally got my meds figured out or I would be a disaster.

On the bright side, my doctor found a med that is starting to work with my anxiety and depression. It feels like there is a big squeejee on my brain, just washing all the bad stuff away and repairing the broken pieces. I have gone a whole week without crying my way through work.

Right now, I am trying to get my husband to heat up dinner. Yes, simply heat it up. Our house smells like a garbage heap on FIRE. I am done for, having spent the afternoon getting my teeters vacuumed out. I was told I set a record for most cysts at one time getting removed. Yay for me. They were like honeycombs and effing painful because the lydacane (sp??) only goes so far and the tissues were all inflamed so much they had to add more once I would scream and arch my back. That has never happened before but neither have they had to fill up so many plastic needle thingies with disgusting fluid. Broke a record for that, too. You know, good times.

Fortunately, the husband couldn’t hear me from the waiting room or he might not be bitching so loudly about having to HEAT UP dinner.

Anyway, I kicked off the week getting a freaking period. Have I blogged about that? No? WELL, as you might recall I don’t own a uterus anymore so this is a basically impossible. And a nightmare. It started Sunday night. I cried all night and fell asleep holding my husband’s hand. He set the alarm and would wake me up so I could check to make sure that there wasn’t too much blood. Our ER sucks so my best bet was waiting til morning and seeing the doctor. I’ve been trying to get in to see the stupid surgeon for a month now. My primary and regular OB kept on referring me to her so I’ve been stuck. I talked to someone 5 minutes after the office opened who said they would have a triage nurse call me…and she called me THREE hours later…said she was running down the hall to talk to the doctor…who didn’t give a shit and said she would see me at the end of her day…4:50…dr. pissypants was MAD that she had to be there a few minute late and cranked me open painfully, said she saw the blood (apparently I could have been lying in her little world) but didn’t know where it was coming from…I freaked out…it hurt…and I needed answers…she asked if I wanted her to eamine me again…YES…she did and it hurt HORRIBLY cause she cranked that thing FAST…said same thing…I freaked…turned into a sobbing mess…and she snottily asked me if I wanted one of her “partners” to examine me…YES…turned out to be my regular OB who magically did not hurt me AT ALL…then brought in the ultrasound and guessed that it was a ruptured polyp…and also reassured me that I would NEVER have to see that cranky troll again.

Oh, and I had put my notice in at the end of last week so first thing Monday morning, a big wig higher-up stopped in to my office and questioned me.. Whatever, I killed him with kindness. Which didn’t work with my direct supervisor who did not speak directly to me until, oh, YESTERDAY. Seriously, what are we, two years old??? Talk about uncomfortable. We even met for an hour with my coworkers and her on Wednesday…and she still would not speak directly to me…weird. Thursday morning she was all business, we talked about what needed to be done for 30 minutes…then she ran off to a meeting…then interrupted me with other things that were unimportant that she wanted done the rest of the day after sending out a notice to my coworkers that I was done in a week…so I had to deal with coworkers stopping in the rest of the afternoon…cause I work with all women and they want the lowdown. I had only told the folks I work immediately with, three people, and I work with 22 women so it was a long freaking day.

Anyway, what else…um, I managed to forget to buy the kids treats to bring to school for Halloween and had to stop at the gas station on the way to the boob doctor, then swing in to their classes to drop them off. Fail. I am sure their teachers think I suck after the last year but oh well.

On a better note, my husband is forgiven as dinner turned out well and he is entertaining the kids with dirtbiking in Africa right now, courtesy of the Internet. I owe him as he has been my rock this year.

Another busy weekend of Halloween fun, pumpkin carving, candy, trick-or-treating, Day of the Dead, cooking, cooking, cooking, and FOOTBALL!!! Go VIKES!!! Sorry, Essie, but we are going to WHOMP your asses. And if we don’t, I will be highly embarrassed, my dear Vikings, so don’t let me down. Either way, it is football, so I am looking forward to it.

As for the kids, they’s all good and excited to continue with their Halloween and Dia de los Muertos celebrating. TTops is a cheerleader (even wore her costume to her haircut appt today, LOL), ButterBoy is a golden dragon ninja warrior, and youngest is a GI Joe commando. They are so cute in their costumes and even seem to behave a little better. Gotta love that.

I’m off to ice down the teeters…

 

The Gig is Up

TTops loves going to the nurses office at school. It is her FAVORITE.

See, in the nurses office, one gets to chat with other kids and teachers walk by and ask how you are doing and there is NO WORK. Everyone feels bad for you. …until you have been there 2.8 million times and then the gig is up.

At first, I was concerned that something was wrong…so I brought TTops to the doctor. Nothing was wrong…and she was pretty pissed that I made her go to the doctor (I also squeezed in the flu shot and an HPV shot while we’re at it, wasn’t going to waste a trip you know). But THAT didn’t do it. She merely didn’t go to the nurse for ONE day…then promptly forgot that mom makes her go to the doctor when she is sick.

This week I had a stroke of brilliance. And I started it Sunday evening. I told her whenever she was SO sick that she had to go to the nurse’s office in school that she was going to have to go to bed early so she could get better. And since she wasn’t feeling well on Friday, she would need to go to bed early to make sure she was well enough to go to school on Monday.

The next day, I called the nurse and told her my evil plan. She said it was brilliant and that anytime TTops came to her, she would have her call me so I could gently remind her that I cared SO much about her and wanted her to get well again that I was going to make sure she got some extra rest to recover from her "sickness" that night.

Magically, just like that, TTops has not been to the nurse in THREE days. We have a record here folks.

 

Too True Tuesday

This week’s Too True Tuesday started by Essie: First thing you would spend your lottery money on! Tell the truth! Spare us the crap about buying your kids a Carousel or paying off your parents mortgage. The REAL truth!

I would build my dream house. Can’t quite decide on the design though…

I would never buy my kids a freaking carousel. They might get a new time out chair though J I am generous like that.

dreamhouse2

dreamhouse

 

Good Day

Today was SO much better with the kids. I was so relieved.

Did the cook and prep all day. I can’t wait to eat dinner all week long! I have to thank my mother-in-law. After she discovered she had to eat differently because of a health condition, she gifted me a ton of cookbooks and I have been drooling over them and planning, planning, planning! Thanks, S!!

This job change stuff works out so much better for us in the long run. I stay working for the next two years, we pay off our house and I can do whatever I want…if I can figure out healthcare…but money won’t be such a central issue with the house paid off.

Plus, we can take our time with the foster care thing and slowly build up what we need while we wait…I will work at a place that is okay with complicated situations…and will help with childcare…when the time comes which, from experience, will be a while. Speaking of, I haven’t been able to take pictures since my camera was “missing” (i.e. temporarily taken by a child) but I got another wonderful gift!! A baby bathtub from Carol at Giraffe Dreams. Carol is pretty awesome and so is the bathtub. THANK YOU!!!

Other than that, back to the grind tomorrow. I will dread that last week and the first of the new place because there will be so much chitty chat about leaving and arriving and I hate that kind of small-talk crap but I will suck it up and muddle through. Damn, I wish I had a val ium every time someone stopped to talk to me at work. The world would be a much more tolerable place.

 

Some days you should just stay in bed

Today sucked. The kids were out of sorts.

I’m getting really nervous about having given TTops The Shot to stop her monthly…we were told that it could really jack up her psych meds…and I am hoping that the last two days are not indicators of what is to come…because the last two days have been awful.

I didn’t take this decision lightly. We tried her on the daily pill for a long time to see how that interacted and she seemed fine mood-wise…except the horrors of the constant mess that was EACH MONTH were too much for her to handle…and the hygiene was too difficult for her to maintain…even with constant help. She handled it great the first month and then the next month happened and it all sank in that this was going to happen OVER AND OVER AND OVER again and she was done taking care of it. Done diddly done. No more. Then the bloody horror show began.

After a few months, I realized that my boys now knew WAY too much about periods at age 7 and things were not going to change…so I decided to take a calculated risk. Man I hope I didn’t totally jack things up.

TTops was a total mess today. Some days…she is just a total mess so I am hoping it is just one of those days and not something that will become a regular part of our lives again. She used to be like this ALL THE TIME. Then she found the right meds to balance her out and she became Cool. She seemed to think clearer and could regulate her reactions to an extent and we got to know her all over again and it was Cool.

I don’t want to lose her to the crying and the screaming and the anger again. So let’s hope this passes and is just a bad few days.

The youngest boy was also a piece of work today. PITA. ADHD on speed. Smiles when scolded. Enjoying making everyone irritated. Poking poking poking. Digging in. and digging digging digging. Especially with TTops who he sensed was brittle already. The two of them were like two fires meeting over a pile of dead pine trees.

Tomorrow will be better.

I am trying a new method for meal planning…wish I tried this a long time ago. I am going to start double-cooking and do all my prep on Sundays. In the summer, we are gone every weekend so that isn’t an option but now we are home every Sunday so we can watch football. I’ve done weekly meal planning for a year or two now and it works better than NOT doing it. But I have been slacking lately because of my crappy mood. And we end up going out for dinner and wasting time and money…or worse, feeding all of us PB&J or cereal.

Tomorrow, I will get all six meals for the week ready and make double of everything to pop in the freezer. We can eat leftovers on the last day. I’m too lazy to go grab the plan since I am watching a documentary at the same time as typing this (Young@Heart) but I recall it had a Pizza Roll, Ham and Cheese Stromboli, Veg Lasagna, Stuffed Shells, a Veg Noodle casserole and some sort of baked soup. I’ll be making Boston Cream Pie (yellow cake mix baked then cut into two layers, add vanilla pudding between the layers, then cover with hot fudge…easy and delicious…the only way I can bake without stuff tasting like crap).

Other than that, I start the new job in two weeks. Actually, I will go in next Friday and work for an hour or so just so I won’t be so far behind when I start. But I am getting the boob job next Friday so I won’t be able to stay for long. The girls are gettin’ aspirated.

 

Hello, Ms. Director Fancy Pants

I only have about 5 minutes before the kids get off the bus so this will have to quick.

I got a new job. YEAH! I sure did! It is MUCH more family-friendly (can bring kids to office–they even have a playroom for them!, flexible hours plus work-from-home option, childcare provided, etc.) and has a mission I can really get down with: eliminating racism and empowering women. Mostly, while I would love to cut back and not work at ALL, it just won’t work with obtaining health insurance so this is the best alternative I could ever imagine. Even better, it is a nice career advancement while working with my family’s needs at the same time. I got what I needed: health insurance that is affordable and actually covers my needs…AND I got what I WANTED: the flexibility to be home with my kids when they are not at school. I even explained about TTops and her needs and how I am required to go to a LOT of appointments for her because of all of her specialists and how I am trying to schedule them all on one day right now…that was when I was shown the playroom and told that it was common for people just to bring their kids to work with them rather than run back and forth constantly…or work from home if that was easier. Since I will have an office with a door, I can easily bring her to work with me and set her up a movie or some books or crayons and she will be awesome. I am actually really looking forward to that as I enjoy spending time with her. She is a really easy kid these days.

As for TTops, she got her shot yesterday and so far so good. No calls from the school. I am sure it will take time to get into her system…but I have my fingers crossed that there will be no negative reactions with her psych meds.

I got my back cracked by the chiro and new meds for managing my anxiety and depression so I am very, very hopeful to feel better soon. Kids are home. Time to run!

 

I’m Here

I haven’t offed myself. It has simply been an incredibly busy week. I shouldn’t even be writing right now but I am because I am avoiding other things that I should be doing and this sounds more enjoyable.

Let’s see. Did the carseat training. For a three hour session, it was actually quite good. I learned a lot and even made some adjustments in the boys’ booster seats.

I rescheduled with the tribal licensor that cancelled after running a half hour late. She was addressing an emergency so I will forgive her.

I did a self-teeter exam (breasts sound too refined for someone like me to have) and noticed that I have a bunch of stuff that shouldn’t be in them. Shit. I’ll be getting the girls vacuumed next week. Fuckers. I hate these things. I am going to ask for a do-it-yourself kit so I can do the extractions on my own. Last time I asked if they would just lop ‘em off and they said, and I quote, “No.” So I said in return, “See you in a few months then.” And here I go again.

What else, had the world’s best IEP meeting yesterday. Yeah, I know. CRazY. For the first time in the history of TTop’s IEP records, she has finally met some of her goals and is making progress. WOO HOO!!! She can now stand, balancing, on one leg for more than a minute! Doesn’t sound like a big deal but for a kid with cerebral palsy, it is huge!!! She also has had the best behavior, attitude, and work ethics in her entire life this year. Usually the first two months of the school year are HELL, so this is pretty major as well. My girl.

Boys start basketball tonight.

I see the doctor about a meds adjustment this afternoon. By myself. Scared.

We are stopping the monthly for someone special…this month is THE MONTH!!! I can’t take it anymore, blood everywhere so it is not a minute too soon. The boys are fairly traumatized by the whole thing as am I. The someone special? Not so much.

I have been in talks with a non-profit. I won’t give any more info than that, though if you read me on Twitter (see right column), you might recall what I am referencing…and it is decision time. Big meeting tomorrow.

At work, I am busting it out with marathon meeting sessions and mind-numbing reporting that make me want to scoop my eyes out with a spoon they are so dull.

Going to the chiro tomorrow to get me adjusted and hopefully that will help some of the pain that, yes, persists.

Well, I am off to another marathon meeting, then the dr…then another dr tomorrow…then the Big Meeting. More when I come up for air!