Hello. Heathen here. Well, not totally. I was raised Christian. Growing up, I was actually the one who would drag my family to church on Sundays. Yet, once I got through the Bible and the confirmation classes and started challenging what I was learning…I couldn’t find anyone to answer my questions. I would just get in trouble for them. And I thought, this is not who I am. I am someone who challenges the way things are and thinks that they can always be better or different or maybe there is something else to learn here…and I left. I still go to church occasionally because I honestly enjoy it. I still teach my kids about God and Jesus and they all have their own little kid Bibles. Well, lately, TTops does more of the teaching than I do. I usually jump in to correct when Santa Claus or the tooth fairy somehow end up shaking hands with Jesus…well, maybe I make them shake hands…but I digress.

This is going somewhere, I promise. I am stalling.

Still, not sure where to start this. See, right after I had my surgery I was sent the brief bios of 9 kids from my boys’ tribe. Various individual children and siblings, all needing permanent homes in an ICWA-approved family. Many of them had already been presented to me by my adoption worker. The ones she presented wouldn’t have worked in our small home. But there was one boy, new, that stood out. He was of the right age and had similar interests and was multiracial like many of us in our family.

I started asking questions. I was redirected to his worker whom I had not dealt with before. She was direct, nice, and I felt like she was being honest and open. I asked a lot of questions. She always responded within a day or two, which is really good. And it got to a point where I felt really good about what I was hearing and my heart started getting involved and I needed to step back and digest everything before my heart took over my head.

I took a step back and started asking myself the questions…could I do this? yes. did I want to? yes. could we afford to do this? yes. would he work well with our kids? yes (with the information I have). and so on…and I couldn’t find any no’s. …except for The Husband…

Normally, when I am looking into a kid I let The Husband (aka Mr. Crabbypants) know right away. But I was going through a ton of shit at the time and so was he and I honestly wanted to keep this little treasure to myself for a while… because while I was vomiting all day and filling up buckets and unable to move, I had the hope that maybe there was a snippet of news awaiting me in my email. Yes, I am aware that this sounds crazy.

Fast forward to right now. I finally had the courage to put all the information on this kid together with pictures and left it on his desk…yesterday. Mr. Crabbypants didn’t even look at it. Just tossed it back in my filebin. So today, I left a little note with it that he had to actually read it. I couldn’t say it out loud because I couldn’t handle him saying no…and he wrote back on the note in Sharpie, “NO!” Wouldn’t even read it.

I can’t sleep.

It pains me.

While I think that I could be okay with this kid not being a part of our family, I am NOT okay with this kid not being a part of any family. His foster parents won’t adopt him. His bio family will have nothing to do with him, which is of no fault of his. Plus, he has all the cards stacked against him: older, biracial, mental health issues. I’ve watched kids like him on the state photolistings since we started the information gathering phase of adoption about 5+ years ago. Kids like him? Are STILL listed. He is at the age where he is not considered cute and cuddly by the majority of people (though I think he is perfect). The odds are not in his favor of finding permanency.

This kid needs your prayers. You know I wouldn’t ask for this if I didn’t think it was necessary. I am not asking for you to pray for him to be in our family…because that would be selfish. I just want him to find a permanent family to call his own. I want him to be fiercely and unconditionally loved like my kids are. Please pray for him to find a family of his own. This is so incredibly important. This kid is smart and kind and funny. He deserves every chance at a future.

Kids who age out of foster care don’t get a fair shake at a future. “The outlook can be particularly dim for those youth who age out of foster care. Somewhere between 18,000 and 20,000 youth age out of the foster care system annually. They need help with finishing high school or applying to college, getting the health care they need, finding new housing on their own, getting a job, and more. […] Studies of youth who have left foster care have shown they are more likely than those in the general population to not finish high school, be unemployed, and be dependent on public assistance. Many end up in prison, homeless, or as parents at an early age.”

This boy deserves a chance at a future. Please pray for him to find a family that will be there for him unconditionally. He is 10. He is alone in this world right now living in a home in the flat lands of western Minnesota. He needs your prayers, your strength, your positive thoughts…he needs it all.

My heart aches for him. I wish so much that I could give him what he needs…